Top-Secret Photos from Last Night’s IL-2 Game
Listen up, nuggets. Some good… well, some very nice men risked their lives just this last night for your freedom. You’re sittin’ there, eating your corn chips, drinking your sody pop, when it was that thin blue line on the Pacific holdin’ back the four winds of Evil. Just remember, if it weren’t for these guys, you’d be eating sushi and watching generic anime on TV. *shudder*
Just look at these guys.
Super Double Fleet Admiral Drew “Kung Pow” Tai
The Navy’s answer to “how many propellers have to be surgically removed from the tail sections of grounded planes before I get promoted to the front of the line?”
Flight Officer First Class Guillermo “The Troll” Martinez
His heart’s in the right place, even if his flaps aren’t.
Captain D.R. “Dickie” Martinez
Battle-worn skill and infinite patience with his buffoonish colleagues mark this straight flyer and straight shooter.
Flight Officer No Class Wilmer “Uncle Sticky” Stickenfocker
It’s not so important whether or not he’s fighting good or evil, so long as there’s the devil’s share of violence to be had along the way. Too bad his guns are always dry within the first 30 seconds of each mission…
Corporal Edward “Big Gulp” Nettles (not pictured)
A lifetime of synthetic soda consumption and a number of flak fragments embedded throughout his body apparently attract alien visitors who seem to abduct this pilot about every other mission.
Colonel Richard “The Bud” Martinez (not pictured)
Some say The Bud is the brains behind the poorly focused brawn of the flight group. I say that the only reason he isn’t out there picking off the enemy himself is that he’s too busy wiping the noses of ungrateful little nuggets like you.
And Now, A Perfect Landing, Starring “The Troll”
Download the flight films here:
Link. (Available for a limited time only. Viewable in IL-2.)
Also, don’t feel too bad Troll. I actually made my first carrier landing without crashing myself. And it’s not just us: